🎃 Pumpkin Pie for People Who Are Just Trying Their Best

🎃 Pumpkin Pie for People Who Are Just Trying Their Best#

Preparation#

  • Acquire a pumpkin. Preferably one not already decorated with googly eyes.

  • Perform pumpkin surgery: remove its slimy insides and try not to question your life choices.

  • Bake the poor thing until it’s soft enough to scoop out like the emotional core of a Pixar movie.

  • You’ll need 2 cups of pumpkin pulp — aka the spoils of your squash dissection.

Ingredients#

  • 1 pie shell (store-bought, because we’re not Martha Stewart)

  • A “generous” dusting of nutmeg (measure with your heart)

  • 1 can of evaporated milk — the fancy term for milk that’s seen some things

  • 0.4 cups of sugar, because 0.5 felt a little reckless

  • 0.5 tsp salt (for character development)

  • 2 tsp cinnamon, the taste of every candle ever made

  • 1 tsp ginger, ground or juiced (depends on your mood and appliance anxiety)

  • 0.5 tsp cloves, aka “Christmas in powder form”

  • 2 eggs who never signed up for this

Instructions#

  1. Mix the dry stuff like a competent adult.

  2. Add the pumpkin pulp — it will resist. Smash it until it gives up.

  3. Introduce the eggs. Blend them in like you’re pretending your life is under control.

  4. Add the evaporated milk. Blend again. Admire the beige slurry you’ve created.

Baking#

  • Start strong: 15 minutes at 425°F (you’ll feel productive).

  • Then reality hits: 40–50 minutes at 350°F, aka “the Netflix episode zone.”

  • If the middle jiggles like your self-confidence, it’s done.

Optional#

  • Serve with whipped cream, self-satisfaction, and the illusion that you totally planned this.

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